Little known fact: David Lynch was asked to direct Return of the Jedi. This is a fact, because it’s on his IMDB trivia page. I’ve spent a lot of time imagining a Lynchian Star Wars film, so it’s great to hear him actually talk about this. It could have been so good! I’m a firm believer in the awesomeness of Dune.

Richard Marquand does deserve credit for his directorial work on Return of the Jedi, if only because he gave us the second most important line of dialogue in cinematic history.

The first most important line of dialogue in cinematic history also happens to be from a Star Wars film, for what it’s worth.

October 30th, 2009: When I realized that Superman III wasn’t just a bad movie, it was a really bad movie. God bless you, Christopher Reeve, for putting up with this.

Oh, to be young again! To spoil the whole thing: she thought Blue Velvet was hilarious, Dune was unwatchable, and Fire Walk With Me was apparently even worse than Dune.

To be fair, this girl is fifteen. I probably had trouble dressing myself at that age. But I do want to question one common injustice: why does Dune get such a bad rap? I think it’s a very fun and engaging science fiction film. If anything, just for the novelty of being the only noir-baroque sci-fi film ever made. And the soundtrack was a Brian Eno/Toto collaboration! How can that not make you smile?

I got to watch the new Green Lantern: First Flight animated movie the other night. Perfect timing, since I’ve recently been hit with a bad case of Blackest Night fever. I love the Green Lantern mythology… there are lanterns, and rings that make shit, and little blue guys that are older than the universe…. what’s not to like? Here’s a point-by-point Stessnalaysis™ (I really should have chosen a better domain name).

This movie is a very loose interpretation. That’s both good and bad. Good because Bruce Timm can be Bruce Timm and make everything as awesome as he wants it to be. Bad because it feels very removed from the DC Universe mythology. Rings don’t talk, Lanterns can use lethal force, and there’s no mention of willpower or fear. What’s worse, Carol Ferris is in the movie for about ten seconds at the beginning. That’s a huge part of the story left out. That’s like trying to adapt The Flash without Iris. Oh, wait… they already did that.

Sinestro is totally badass. Even if they didn’t follow canon on this one (there’s no mention of Korugar at all), they made Sinestro’s descent completely sadistic. There’s a scene where he’s interrogating this poor woman and forcing her to overdose… it’s pretty intense. I especially like how the film makes a point of showing that every Green Lantern hates people from Earth, while Sinestro admires them. I always thought he was one of the better comic book villains.

Kilowog sounds like a douche. Maybe it’s just because I watched Justice League Unlimited religiously, but choosing Michael Madsen to do the voice of the jovial drill instructor was a huge mistake. I kept expecting him to turn to Hal Jordan and say “You ever listen to K-Billy’s Super Sounds of the Seventies weekend?”

The Guardians look really stupid. Again, maybe this is the sublime art featured in Blackest Night swaying my opinion, but are the most powerful beings in the universe supposed to look like they’re rejected stunt doubles from Leprechaun 4?

That’s the one where the Leprechaun is in space, FYI.

What the hell is this? At some point Hal Jordan touches the core of the power battery and becomes Giga Mac. Is this supposed to be Ion? I have no idea, because it wasn’t explained at all.

Super Stress Party Verdict: Wonder Woman is still the best DC Universe animated movie, followed closely by The New Frontier. And nothing will ever top Bruce Timm’s television adaptions.