Archive for the ‘movies’ Category

A 15 year old girl reviews David Lynch films

Oh, to be young again! To spoil the whole thing: she thought Blue Velvet was hilarious, Dune was unwatchable, and Fire Walk With Me was apparently even worse than Dune.

To be fair, this girl is fifteen. I probably had trouble dressing myself at that age. But I do want to question one common injustice: why does Dune get such a bad rap? I think it’s a very fun and engaging science fiction film. If anything, just for the novelty of being the only noir-baroque sci-fi film ever made. And the soundtrack was a Brian Eno/Toto collaboration! How can that not make you smile?


Spoiler: It’s weak against yellow


I got to watch the new Green Lantern: First Flight animated movie the other night. Perfect timing, since I’ve recently been hit with a bad case of Blackest Night fever. I love the Green Lantern mythology… there are lanterns, and rings that make shit, and little blue guys that are older than the universe…. what’s not to like? Here’s a point-by-point Stessnalaysis™ (I really should have chosen a better domain name).

This movie is a very loose interpretation. That’s both good and bad. Good because Bruce Timm can be Bruce Timm and make everything as awesome as he wants it to be. Bad because it feels very removed from the DC Universe mythology. Rings don’t talk, Lanterns can use lethal force, and there’s no mention of willpower or fear. What’s worse, Carol Ferris is in the movie for about ten seconds at the beginning. That’s a huge part of the story left out. That’s like trying to adapt The Flash without Iris. Oh, wait… they already did that.


Sinestro is totally badass. Even if they didn’t follow canon on this one (there’s no mention of Korugar at all), they made Sinestro’s descent completely sadistic. There’s a scene where he’s interrogating this poor woman and forcing her to overdose… it’s pretty intense. I especially like how the film makes a point of showing that every Green Lantern hates people from Earth, while Sinestro admires them. I always thought he was one of the better comic book villains.


Kilowog sounds like a douche. Maybe it’s just because I watched Justice League Unlimited religiously, but choosing Michael Madsen to do the voice of the jovial drill instructor was a huge mistake. I kept expecting him to turn to Hal Jordan and say “You ever listen to K-Billy’s Super Sounds of the Seventies weekend?”


The Guardians look really stupid. Again, maybe this is the sublime art featured in Blackest Night swaying my opinion, but are the most powerful beings in the universe supposed to look like they’re rejected stunt doubles from Leprechaun 4?

That’s the one where the Leprechaun is in space, FYI.


What the hell is this? At some point Hal Jordan touches the core of the power battery and becomes Giga Mac. Is this supposed to be Ion? I have no idea, because it wasn’t explained at all.

Super Stress Party Verdict: Wonder Woman is still the best DC Universe animated movie, followed closely by The New Frontier. And nothing will ever top Bruce Timm’s television adaptions.



Okay. Watch the embedded video, above, then get back to me.

My partner at work and I find this hilarious. We have been watching this daily, for several months, and each time we bust a gut. It is goddamn funny. I love it.

Thing is, we show it to other people and they act like we’re crazy. “I don’t get it.” What is there to get? If dinosaurs could talk, this is what they would say. It’s like a Far Side cartoon in video form. Our viewer will stare for a while without cracking a smile, walk away, and then I’m expected to relate to them. No dice. This is joyful and beautiful and rewarding. Why aren’t you laughing?

So I guess this is my new metric for friends. If you don’t split your sides watching this, we probably won’t get along. Forever and ever. Amen.



Would you still love me anyways?

If you’ve had even a passing interest in this blog, you can probably tell that I worship David Lynch. Blue Velvet spoke to me, Twin peaks defined me, blah blah blah, don’t take the ring Laura, so on and so forth. Jennifer Lynch has, at times, come close to following in her father’s footsteps. Her work on Laura Palmer’s Diary was inspired and took the Twin Peaks mythology in an incredible and unexpected direction. Her first full length Boxing Helena was a masterful take on the destruction of beauty, the predation of play, the paralyzation of fear… lots and lots of stuff. Second wave feminists wrote papers praising it, third wave feminists wrote papers condemning it. It’s hideously misogynistic in the same way The Story of O is, and it’s very much worth seeing.

Now Jeniffer Lynch has a new film based on the legend of Naga, the creepy snake woman that Indian boys have nightmares about. After watching the above trailer, I can’t help but think… what the fuck? I hope this is just a poorly put together trailer, because it looks like a Sci-Fi Channel movie of the week. “Oh my God, that woman is a snake and BLOOD and VIOLENCE and MAYBE SPLOSIONS!” I’m going to give it a chance once it hits wide release, but I expected a lot more from the woman who wrote and directed Boxing Helena.

cheapest viagra online
buy viagra online
buy viagra 100mg
buy viagra now
buy viagra
buy levitra now
cheapest cialis
viagra over the counter
discount viagra
buy viagra fedex
how do i buy viagra
free viagra
buy viagra online reviews
buy sale viagra
buy cheap levitra
buy viagra online cheap
cialis usa
buy viagra san francisco
buy discount levitra
buy viagra online discount
viagra buy online
cialis vs viagra
pfizer viagra free samples
buy viagra mesa