Bonerkiller: The Destruction of Youth

clarissa

Listen: I am, apparently, an eligible bachelor. I have at least been described as such by my friends, or ranked as an eligible bachelor in various local magazines. I have a good job, I am intelligent, and I am single.

Because of that, the “ladies” have been knocking down my door. Problem is, I apparently hate ladies. I constantly reject dates based on various items that only I find important. Such as this: you are 25 years old, but deny ever having been a fan of Clarissa Explains It All. You, milady, are a goddamn liar. There is no one who didn’t like that show. When someone tells me they’re not familiar with it, I just think “they are ashamed.” And then we never see each other again.

Here’s a Pro Tip: don’t deny what defined you. Guys like to hear about what weird stuff you were into as a kid, because all guys were into weird stuff as a kid as well. If a guy doesn’t care about this stuff, he’s too old for you.

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