My name is Zachary. I am twenty five years old. I have not aged gracefully. I enjoy comic books, video games and other activities that my friends make fun of me for. They are not very good friends. I am either smart, funny or handsome depending on who you ask but under no circumstances should I be considered all three. I used to read a lot of books. I think I’ve made my way through all the ones that matter by now. I hate Jane Austen but love Nabokov, which leads most people to think I hate women. I don’t know what that’s about; Jane Austen hated women more than I ever could. I spend a lot of time on the internet. This is because I am twenty five years old and most people my age are expected to spend a lot of time on the internet. I click the Random Article button on Wikipedia five times a day and read the results in their entirety. I am convinced that this will somehow make me a better person. I try to stick to a diet of raw fruits and vegetables. Not due to any ethical concerns, rather I had gotten really fat after finishing college and have become somewhat disgusting. I’m sure you figured that part out when I mentioned comic books and video games.

I only own three pairs of pants, and two of them are jeans. I own about thirty dress shirts, though. I don’t know why, it’s not even like they’re that different… most are just bland, solid gray. I guess I just really dislike pants. I have a drawer full of t-shirts that are too small for me, but I hang on to them for sentimental reasons. I doubt I’ll ever fit into them again. I only wear black socks. I have a pair of khaki socks but there’s a hole where the big toe goes on each. They’ll still remain in my sock drawer until I die. Every time I wear brown shoes I’ll pull them out, put them on and say “Oh, these have holes in them. Where the big toe goes.” Then I’ll take them off and put them back in the sock drawer for reasons I can’t explain.

I went to college for art. That was a mistake. The only thing I learned was how to make art. What a gyp. I wish I could have learned how to love myself or maybe accounting.

I am a musician. Not a very good one. I’ve been playing music for about two decades now. I can play most instruments, or at least get sound out of them. I don’t play any instruments at a professional level. I don’t really want to. I’m more interested in composition. Or “a bunch of weird Yoko noises,” if you were to ask my parents.

Stress lines are creases along the spine of a comic book that come about through use. Stress lines are also things that appear on your face when you get old and bitter. I’m not sure why I thought the phrase would make a good domain name.

If you’d like to reply to this personal, please click the ‘Submit’ link at the top of your screen. Your pic gets mine. You can also use that link to send me items of interest. I love learning about new things.