Guys, I’ve stresslined out over Chew in the past, but in a nutshell: Tony Chu is a detective who gets psychic impressions from the things he eats, and he solves crimes by eating things. It’s as amazing as it sounds. And now iFanboy is saying that Showtime is going to turn it into a TV series. That is wonderful news! I think the material will work really well as a series and Showtime is the perfect network for a project like this, just because Tony Chu sometimes eats, uh, people and it can be a bit gruesome.

In light of this announcement, I’d like to formally nominate Ken Leung for the role of Tony Chu.

You may remember Ken Leung from his role as Miles the psychic detective on the hit show Hey We’re Lost. So he’d pretty much be playing the exact same character except with a tad more cannibalism. Cast Josh Holloway as Chu’s partner and we can just pretend this is the Miles/Sawyer buddy cop show that everyone wants to see. Make it happen, Showtime!

The Lost season five finale is tomorrow night! I’m stressing all over that shit. We may finally meet Jacob, we may see what the “incident” was, and Sawyer may take his shirt off again. It’s a triple boner!

Rather than rehash my convoluted Egyptian mythology theory (no one can lie in the shadow of the statue! It knows everything!), I’ve decided to bullet point a few things pulled out of my dreams. Yes, I dream about Lost. Like, a lot. The funny thing is, sometimes my dreams are totally accurate when it comes to this stuff. Because my brain is smarter than I am.

• Jack is Jacob.
• Jack causes the incident, which disrupts the timeline and changes things, but at the same time doesn’t.  The disruption to the timeline has always happened, so altering the course of history changes everything… but doesn’t change a thing.  If you’ve ever seen the (wonderful) film The Quiet Earth, you know what I’m talking about.  Live together, die alone.
• The incident causes Jack to become a Dr. Manhattan type character who becomes so drastically unstuck that he can be both Jack and Jacob, as well as a patriarch to all the other characters on the show.  Think Vonnegut’s The Sirens of Titan.  I mean, the main character of that book is named Malachi frickin’ Constant.   Jack is sort of like Winston Rumfoord… after the incident, he is everywhere and everything.  Including plain old Jack.
• Jacob is the Island, and the Island is Jacob.  The Island heals people.  What’s Jack’s primary purpose in life, the thing he gets pissed off about?  He’s a healer.
• Who have we seen in the cabin?  Christian, Jack’s father, and Claire, Jack’s sister.
• What was the first image in the show?  Jack’s eye opening.  What have we seen of Jacob so far?  His eye opening.  Twice.
• Meta Moment:  in the episode Expose,  when learning about Expose’s big reveal of the villain, Hurley says “No way. Mr. LaShade was the Cobra?  His identity’s been shrouded in mystery for four seasons.”  What season of Lost is this?
• Jacob is also the captain of the Black Rock.  He died during the voyage, then the island “popped” under him and brought him back in the same way it brought back Christian & Locke.
• The incident itself is the detonation of Jughead, which causes the entire island to go back/forward in time simultaneously.  This is why the Island jumps around physically, as well as why we hear whispers… echos of people who have done things again and again at different points of time/space.
• Locke’s decision to kill Jacob is not about control, but rather an act of liberation.  Jack has made a mistake, and finally needs Locke to help him.
• Locke creates the smoke monster.
• The smoke monster is Ammit.
• Due to crazy time travel stuff, Lost ends up being the origin of all Egyptian mythology.

There’s like a thousand more things, but I’m tired of typing.  Be sure to check back tomorrow after the finale and tell me how my dreams are stupid!

A shitload of awesome, that’s what.

This new promo for the fifth season of Lost does a really good job of being astonishingly awesome. I need friends who watch this show. Or, really, friends period.