Posts Tagged ‘the flash’

Everybody Hates The Flash

Thanks to a post from Joystick Division, I’ve discovered the joy/absurdity of beat ’em up montages. In this video, a roster of bizzare characters beat the shit out of Barry Allen in MUGEN, an open source fighting game framework.

Why? Because he should have stayed dead.

 

Spoiler: It’s weak against yellow

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I got to watch the new Green Lantern: First Flight animated movie the other night. Perfect timing, since I’ve recently been hit with a bad case of Blackest Night fever. I love the Green Lantern mythology… there are lanterns, and rings that make shit, and little blue guys that are older than the universe…. what’s not to like? Here’s a point-by-point Stessnalaysis™ (I really should have chosen a better domain name).

This movie is a very loose interpretation. That’s both good and bad. Good because Bruce Timm can be Bruce Timm and make everything as awesome as he wants it to be. Bad because it feels very removed from the DC Universe mythology. Rings don’t talk, Lanterns can use lethal force, and there’s no mention of willpower or fear. What’s worse, Carol Ferris is in the movie for about ten seconds at the beginning. That’s a huge part of the story left out. That’s like trying to adapt The Flash without Iris. Oh, wait… they already did that.

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Sinestro is totally badass. Even if they didn’t follow canon on this one (there’s no mention of Korugar at all), they made Sinestro’s descent completely sadistic. There’s a scene where he’s interrogating this poor woman and forcing her to overdose… it’s pretty intense. I especially like how the film makes a point of showing that every Green Lantern hates people from Earth, while Sinestro admires them. I always thought he was one of the better comic book villains.

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Kilowog sounds like a douche. Maybe it’s just because I watched Justice League Unlimited religiously, but choosing Michael Madsen to do the voice of the jovial drill instructor was a huge mistake. I kept expecting him to turn to Hal Jordan and say “You ever listen to K-Billy’s Super Sounds of the Seventies weekend?”

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The Guardians look really stupid. Again, maybe this is the sublime art featured in Blackest Night swaying my opinion, but are the most powerful beings in the universe supposed to look like they’re rejected stunt doubles from Leprechaun 4?

That’s the one where the Leprechaun is in space, FYI.

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What the hell is this? At some point Hal Jordan touches the core of the power battery and becomes Giga Mac. Is this supposed to be Ion? I have no idea, because it wasn’t explained at all.

Super Stress Party Verdict: Wonder Woman is still the best DC Universe animated movie, followed closely by The New Frontier. And nothing will ever top Bruce Timm’s television adaptions.

 

The Blank wishes he was this cool

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Dudes: there is a Question action figure. I now own it.

I’ve probably mentioned on this blog that the Question is my favorite fictional character quite a few times. The fact remains that a faceless, paranoid, Objectivist superhero who ends up dying of lung cancer after years of smoking is inherently awesome. You know that “Rorschach” guy that geeks are always going on about? He’s like Diet Question. So when I saw this three pack at Target I had to have it. I also get a bonus Wonder Woman and Wally West (who are totally going to go on a date at the Ghostbuster’s Firehouse as soon as I dig it out of my parent’s basement).

This figure is probably going to reside in my messenger bag so I can bust it out when I ask something inappropriate on a first date. Then I’ll wave it in the girl’s face and say “ANSWER THE QUESTION!” If she laughs, it was totally meant to be. If she doesn’t… I’ll probably need a public defender.

 

Professor Zoom’s neck can only be snapped so many times

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Okay, okay, okay… okay. Excuse me as I have a major geekgasm.

Barry Allen, the Flash, died in 1985 during Crisis on Infinite Earths. He saved the entire frickin’ universe by running so fast that he transcended time and concentrating the entire speed force into a single bolt of lightning… which ended up being the same lightning bolt that connected him to the speed force in the first place. Very La JetĂ©e, right? His death was meant to signify the end of Silver Age and the dawn of modern, darker stories in comics. He’s one of the few comic book characters that died and stayed dead.

Until last year, when he popped up during Final Crisis and ended up playing a huge role in the story. It was awesome. So, he’s like alive again. And last month DC Comics launched a new series: Flash Rebirth. The first issue wondered “Why did Barry Allen come back? What is his purpose here? What does this signify?”

The last panel of the second issue answered that question. And, spoiler alert: it is awesome. I got seriously giddy. You can tell because I ran to my laptop and wrote this post. I didn’t even put pants on first.

Carry on.

 
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